I would not be of any help to others had I lived on the path of the straight line. Where I never faltered or fell under the spell of my own miscreations. Wisdom comes from experience, and through experience we hone our skills, question our soul whispers, and recollect our personal powers to find our way back to the path of moving forward.
Several months back ~ it started with a situation that knocked me on my ass. The uprising within of that infamous entity I call fear belly. Clinically speaking it would be called PTSD. Events and interactions awakened this long forgotten fear which led to explosive anger vomiting out of my mouth. Years of repressed acidic emotions uncontrollably spewed out along with the spit and the voice that was similar to the demon in The Exorcist. Though I knew this cleansing was necessary the turmoil and shame of hurting others in this process led to physical illness.The illness led to much physical and emotional pain. Unable to swallow, belly pain and lack of appetite led to self medicating via alcohol. The booze led me to places where lost spirits were clinging to their addiction through me. My behavior while intoxicated was staggering with memory loss and questionable interactions.
Rationalizing with the idea that I was merely lonely my priority was to find a partner. If I was not single I would not be so lonely and all would be better. Needless to say attracting someone with my energy field in such a state of disharmony only attracted those in the same state.
I knew i was here to stay nourished and lead as a medicine woman for others., but my discipline and stamina were blocked in the fatigue. In trying to find my way back I knew I had to walk the healing path. Making amends helped greatly, though some of those I extended this to found my attempts obnoxious. At first I was befuddled why they did not understand my atonement until I realized how awkward my staggering approach appeared. Of course they did not understand the complexities that lie under all this brown murky fear.
So another layer is being peeled back I am nurturing my body and soul again. The appetite is returning and the pain has greatly subsided due to this nurturing. I found the tools to open this once hidden Light beam, making my eyes adjust to the new brightness. As such I will be another layer lighter and brighter to walk forward in The Light.
I believe I will be more understanding when I see others walking off their path. It is their journey and unless they ask for my guidance I can only offer holding sacred Light, sacred space. The more Light I am able to radiate and pulse the more able to administer to others.
Several months back ~ it started with a situation that knocked me on my ass. The uprising within of that infamous entity I call fear belly. Clinically speaking it would be called PTSD. Events and interactions awakened this long forgotten fear which led to explosive anger vomiting out of my mouth. Years of repressed acidic emotions uncontrollably spewed out along with the spit and the voice that was similar to the demon in The Exorcist. Though I knew this cleansing was necessary the turmoil and shame of hurting others in this process led to physical illness.The illness led to much physical and emotional pain. Unable to swallow, belly pain and lack of appetite led to self medicating via alcohol. The booze led me to places where lost spirits were clinging to their addiction through me. My behavior while intoxicated was staggering with memory loss and questionable interactions.
Rationalizing with the idea that I was merely lonely my priority was to find a partner. If I was not single I would not be so lonely and all would be better. Needless to say attracting someone with my energy field in such a state of disharmony only attracted those in the same state.
I knew i was here to stay nourished and lead as a medicine woman for others., but my discipline and stamina were blocked in the fatigue. In trying to find my way back I knew I had to walk the healing path. Making amends helped greatly, though some of those I extended this to found my attempts obnoxious. At first I was befuddled why they did not understand my atonement until I realized how awkward my staggering approach appeared. Of course they did not understand the complexities that lie under all this brown murky fear.
So another layer is being peeled back I am nurturing my body and soul again. The appetite is returning and the pain has greatly subsided due to this nurturing. I found the tools to open this once hidden Light beam, making my eyes adjust to the new brightness. As such I will be another layer lighter and brighter to walk forward in The Light.
I believe I will be more understanding when I see others walking off their path. It is their journey and unless they ask for my guidance I can only offer holding sacred Light, sacred space. The more Light I am able to radiate and pulse the more able to administer to others.
