As I entered the building of the nursing home, in a town I lived many years before, the stench was overhelming. My nose has always been sensitive and this smell that entered my nostrils was one of dirty clothes, medicine, and a smell of spirit decaying.
Seeing the majority of the residents in wheel chairs lined up against the wall, and the couches full of patients amazed me by how many are actually in the home. But even sadder, most of them had their heads dropped off to the side, either sleeping or in a trance from the medication. People I knew years ago as vibrant vital souls now zoned out in this bog of eternal stench. I did my best to stay uplifted and cheerful for those I was visiting, but each minute became more of a challenge.
Why I did not do my Wise Woman Energy exercises before entering I do not know and boy, it sure would of helped. After visiting for a couple hours my heart ached with the heaviness I now carried. My throat was full from trying to control the sobs. I felt their distress, for they had given up. Their only hope was to die. I could feel it, I could sense it. I absorbed all their dispiritedness and carried it out the door with me., without the intention to do so. I was not prepared and now know if I was prepared with my energy work, I could of better served these disouraged souls. However it is my hope it gave them moments of repreive as fragments of their sufferings went with me.
As I sat in the car I was thrown into a vortex of hopelessness. A wallowing in a bed of murky muck. The cemetery was next to the nursing home so I ventured over to my Dear Kindred Sisters grave site, Florence, and talked with her. My anquish became more sentimental and I reflected on the life I led there in that town..
It has taken two full days to process all those emotions. I could not decipher which was mine and which was theirs. Fortunely I reached out to a dear friend, Moo, and she walked me back to sanity.
While in the muck I was shown my own issues and layers which needed to surface. This gave me a chance to release them to be purified along with the spirits I met earlier. ~ Diana
Every moment, every issue, every emotion always carries a Gift.
"Disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away."
—Pema Chödrön
Seeing the majority of the residents in wheel chairs lined up against the wall, and the couches full of patients amazed me by how many are actually in the home. But even sadder, most of them had their heads dropped off to the side, either sleeping or in a trance from the medication. People I knew years ago as vibrant vital souls now zoned out in this bog of eternal stench. I did my best to stay uplifted and cheerful for those I was visiting, but each minute became more of a challenge.
Why I did not do my Wise Woman Energy exercises before entering I do not know and boy, it sure would of helped. After visiting for a couple hours my heart ached with the heaviness I now carried. My throat was full from trying to control the sobs. I felt their distress, for they had given up. Their only hope was to die. I could feel it, I could sense it. I absorbed all their dispiritedness and carried it out the door with me., without the intention to do so. I was not prepared and now know if I was prepared with my energy work, I could of better served these disouraged souls. However it is my hope it gave them moments of repreive as fragments of their sufferings went with me.
As I sat in the car I was thrown into a vortex of hopelessness. A wallowing in a bed of murky muck. The cemetery was next to the nursing home so I ventured over to my Dear Kindred Sisters grave site, Florence, and talked with her. My anquish became more sentimental and I reflected on the life I led there in that town..
It has taken two full days to process all those emotions. I could not decipher which was mine and which was theirs. Fortunely I reached out to a dear friend, Moo, and she walked me back to sanity.
While in the muck I was shown my own issues and layers which needed to surface. This gave me a chance to release them to be purified along with the spirits I met earlier. ~ Diana
Every moment, every issue, every emotion always carries a Gift.
"Disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away."
—Pema Chödrön