Morning pondering:( just talking to myself)
I have awoken to another day of seeing grass from the top side. Well actually I am not seeing any grass, I am seeing snow. In so many ways I am living the dream. A home that really feels like home, the smell of coffee brewing, the smell of the creeks, a comfortable morning chair to write my ponderings and reflections as the sun comes over the mountain. I hear Zedo calling out to me with his morning hoots and I know I am not alone for I am always provided for. It is a strange phenomena how everything somehow works out once I surrendered to the mystery of it. The awarenesss and acceptance of miracles makes the miracles come to life.
Everything is a lesson providing a choice to either move backward or forward.
My latest lesson.
I was told I was mean and obnoxious towards someone. That accusation hit me very deeply, for they are adjectives I do not wish to be included in my biography. So I accepted their words as truth because it was how they felt and wholeheartedly apologized. it has been a few months of releasing some pent up anger and resentment, finally, but mean spirited ways is something I no longer wish to have in my world.
My first thought upon awakening this morning was no longer one of self criticism. For it was merely their viewpoint of me when I stood up to their rudeness and treatment towards me. I was not mean, I was being assertive. Learning to speak up when boundaries are crossed is a new challenging task that I must practice. I am not always getting high marks in that skill either. Reactionary moments sometimes come through instead of calm responsive ones. However, I still do not wish to be placed in a description with such bitter flavors.
I have to admit I never used the word obnoxious to describe myself. Something new to digest I guess. Outbursts of releasing the pain when I am bruised can be described as such, me thinks.
What I learned from this challenge?
Instead of beating myself up for my acidic reactions when being treated with disrespect it is important reminder to avoid the impulse to pounce. The higher path would be to stand in gentle strength and poise as I preserve those lines. I choose to move forward.
Regarding these morning ramblings. I keep all my contemplations in a folder, with all my journals over the years. We all live an incredible story. I wish I had heard my parents or grandparents story from them. Those good things that happened to them or how they overcame the challenges thrown their way. Sadly they passed before telling me.
Maybe someday my meanderings and epiphany's will give guidance to my precious grandchild yearning to know why they have a certain trait. At the very least explain the bloodline's extraordinary legacy of idiosyncrasies.
I have awoken to another day of seeing grass from the top side. Well actually I am not seeing any grass, I am seeing snow. In so many ways I am living the dream. A home that really feels like home, the smell of coffee brewing, the smell of the creeks, a comfortable morning chair to write my ponderings and reflections as the sun comes over the mountain. I hear Zedo calling out to me with his morning hoots and I know I am not alone for I am always provided for. It is a strange phenomena how everything somehow works out once I surrendered to the mystery of it. The awarenesss and acceptance of miracles makes the miracles come to life.
Everything is a lesson providing a choice to either move backward or forward.
My latest lesson.
I was told I was mean and obnoxious towards someone. That accusation hit me very deeply, for they are adjectives I do not wish to be included in my biography. So I accepted their words as truth because it was how they felt and wholeheartedly apologized. it has been a few months of releasing some pent up anger and resentment, finally, but mean spirited ways is something I no longer wish to have in my world.
My first thought upon awakening this morning was no longer one of self criticism. For it was merely their viewpoint of me when I stood up to their rudeness and treatment towards me. I was not mean, I was being assertive. Learning to speak up when boundaries are crossed is a new challenging task that I must practice. I am not always getting high marks in that skill either. Reactionary moments sometimes come through instead of calm responsive ones. However, I still do not wish to be placed in a description with such bitter flavors.
I have to admit I never used the word obnoxious to describe myself. Something new to digest I guess. Outbursts of releasing the pain when I am bruised can be described as such, me thinks.
What I learned from this challenge?
Instead of beating myself up for my acidic reactions when being treated with disrespect it is important reminder to avoid the impulse to pounce. The higher path would be to stand in gentle strength and poise as I preserve those lines. I choose to move forward.
Regarding these morning ramblings. I keep all my contemplations in a folder, with all my journals over the years. We all live an incredible story. I wish I had heard my parents or grandparents story from them. Those good things that happened to them or how they overcame the challenges thrown their way. Sadly they passed before telling me.
Maybe someday my meanderings and epiphany's will give guidance to my precious grandchild yearning to know why they have a certain trait. At the very least explain the bloodline's extraordinary legacy of idiosyncrasies.